5.30.2012

what is good for the goose should be wht the gander does!

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Truth That Hurts...... Toni L.Vossen 2012

the Golden Rule ~! Treat Others how you want to be treated.





Our primary mission
CALM’s mission is to prevent, assess and treat child abuse in Santa Barbara County by providing comprehensive, culturally competent services for children, adults and families.

                                                                                           Vote TO HELP THIS CAUSE SUPPORT MY CAUSE, BY WORKING TOGETHER WE CAN END CHIL ABUSE!!!!!!!!





Why should you support our cause
We help children heal from the devastating
effects of abuse so that they can go on to become
healthy, functioning adults in our society.
How the money will be spent                                                         
Program costs include supplies for art projects;
food for snacks for groups who meet at meal times;
 salaries for therapists who provide services.
Art therapy and group meetings are an important part
   of the healing process for children who have lost trust due
to abuse.


Share this cause----------------------------------}}}>   C.A.L.M ~`CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW STORY

I Will Not Be Silent: Child Abuse Treatment and Prevention

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Truth That Hurts...... Toni L.Vossen 2012

Community

                



We provide free or low-cost treatment for children who have been abused to help them recover from trauma. We also prevent abuse by providing parent education and support for at-risk families with children 0-5, and education in the schools about abuse

Our

"I Will Not Be Silent"

 campaign
encourages children and
 adults to speak out about abuse when it occurs.
 Prevention services can be
 provided in the home and begin prenatally
 for families at risk, available in Spanish and English.




  • What population we serve?
  • Low-income or poverty level families in crisis.
  • Almost 3/4 of our clients are Latino, and
  • 1/4 are monolingual Spanish-speaking.

           

Community

Community

5.26.2012

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers......2

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Truth That Hurts...... Toni L.Vossen 2012

Mother Dearest

ch2



It's about secret things. The Destructive Narcissistic
Parent creates a child that only exists to be an extension of her self.
 It's about body language. It's about disapproving glances
It's about vocal tone. It's very intimate.
 And it's very powerful. It's part of who the child is. ~ Chris
 
 
2. She violates your boundaries.
 You feel like an extension of her.
 Your property is given away without your
 consent, sometimes in front of you.
Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others
off your plate.  Your property may be repossessed
and no reason given other than that it was never yours.
Your time is committed without consulting you,
and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you.
 (She LOVES going to the fair! He would never
want anything like that. She wouldn't like kumquats.)
 You are discussed in your presence as though you are not there.
She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates
  you by divulging the information she gleans,
especially when it can be used to demonstrate
her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs
 ("Mike had that problem with frequent urination too,
only his was much worse. I was so worried about him!") Y
ou have never known what it is like to have privacy
 in the bathroom or in your bedroom,
and she goes through your things regularly.
She asks nosy questions,
 snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations.
She will want to dig into your feelings,
 particularly painful ones
 and is always looking for negative information on you
which can be used against you.
She does things against your expressed
wishes frequently.
 All of this is done without seeming
 embarrassment or thought.

Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted.
 Normal rites of passage
 (learning to shave, wearing makeup, dating)
 are grudgingly allowed only if you insist,
 and you're punished for your insistence
 ("Since you're old enough to date,
 I think you're old enough to pay for your own clothes!")
If you demand age-appropriate
clothing, grooming, control over your own life,
or rights, you are difficult
and she ridicules your "independence."



5.25.2012

Stop It......

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Truth That Hurts...... Toni L.Vossen 2012


Shop here & get $15 Bucks for free

Characteristics of Narcissistic........ 1

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Truth That Hurts...... Toni L.Vossen 2012

Mother Dearest

 ch.1

"It's about secret things. The Destructive Narcissistic Parent creates a child that only exists to be an extension of her self. It's about body language. It's about disapproving glances. It's about vocal tone. It's very intimate. And it's very powerful. It's part of who the child is."

~ Chris

 

1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you.

She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate.

 Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself.

She will carefully separate cause

 (your joy in your accomplishment)

from effect

(refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony)

 by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection.
Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you.

 She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably

. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why.

Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her.

She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses.

She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers

("Don't wash our dirty laundry in public!")

and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done.

The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public.

She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding

 ("I feel so sorry for poor Cynthia. She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her!")

As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them

 ("I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!).

~Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ~

("I'm sure she didn't mean it like that!")

 
This is My Mother for sure.....  
Get over yourself woman
 
ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!
 
 

(MORE: How to Cut Crime, Alcoholism and Addiction? It’s Not Elementary, But Preschool)

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Truth That Hurts...... Toni L.Vossen 2012

The authors conclude:
“[T]he lack of a secure attachment relationship in the early years has detrimental consequences for both physical and mental health later in life, with long-lasting effects that vary by sex."

The persistence of these effects after the end of treatment emphasizes the need to intervene early in life to prevent long-term damage.”
Another of the paper’s authors, the Nobel-prize-winning economist James Heckman, has long argued that investing in early childhood education provides a greater return for society than virtually any other type of spending, not only because of increased educational success and productivity, but also because of reduced crime, addiction, distress and disorder.
This study, he says,

shows that early life
 conditions critically
 affect adult health. "







 


Children Learn What they LIve........

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Truth That Hurts......






♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥      ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥







 Toni L.Vossen 2012

5.24.2012

Measure of a Mother’s Love: How Early Neglect Derails Child Development

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Truth That Hurts......


Most people don’t need science to appreciate the importance of a mother’s love. But to understand how early maltreatment can derail a child’s development requires careful study — and is fraught with ethical peril.
Getty ImagesSuch research is therefore often conducted in animals. A new analysis of data on 231 rhesus macaque monkeys explored the effects of three early-childhood conditions on the animals’ later lives. About half of the monkeys were raised normally by their mothers, living in social groups with other monkeys — a condition similar to their natural environment.
One quarter of the monkeys were reared in a nursery without their mothers until day 37, when they were placed in groups of four other monkeys of a similar age.

The final group was also nursery-raised at first, but then these babies were transferred to a cage, where they spent most of their time, with a hot water bottle covered in terrycloth. (Two hours a day, these monkeys were allowed to interact with other monkeys their age.) The condition was similar to that used in the well-known “cloth mother” primate experiments by Harry Harlow, which had previously demonstrated that proper psychological and physical development of infants requires nurturing and attention from a parent, not just the provision of food and water. In that research, socially isolated monkey babies that were removed from their mothers were found to prefer clinging to a cloth-covered surrogate mother for comfort, rather than a harsh wire sculpture, even when only the metal mother provided bottles of milk.
While such experimentation sounds cruel, this type of research has been critical in helping change policies in human orphanages that had for centuries treated infants equally inhumanely. Despite early evidence that orphanage infants were far more likely to die than others, proponents argued that it didn’t matter whether children had “parents” specially devoted to them at the orphanage, claiming that simply feeding and changing them appropriately would be adequate until adoptive parents were found. Babies, they said, couldn’t remember anyway.
The harrowing consequences of these theories were most vividly brought to light in Romania in the 1980s and ’90s, when a ban on abortion led to a surge in orphanage babies. The longer these children were left in their cribs, simply being fed and changed without individualized affection, the more damage was seen, even if the orphanage was clean and well-run. Many children developed autistic-like behaviors, repetitively rocking or banging their heads. Some were cold and withdrawn or indiscriminately affectionate; some alternated between these extremes. And they simply didn’t grow like normal infants: their head circumferences were abnormally small and they had problems with attention and comprehension.
Still, orphanage advocates blamed pre-existing problems that had led parents to give up the children in the first place, not institutional conditions. This debate continued until researchers were allowed to randomize abandoned infants without clear birth defects to either usual orphanage care or foster care from birth. (To mitigate the thorny ethics of the study, adoption was encouraged as early as possible for the orphanage-assigned kids, even though that could have potentially weakened the findings.)
Nonetheless, the study showed that the children who were placed in foster care developed normally, with appropriate head sizes, and less distress, better attentional skills and a 9-point higher IQ on average, compared with children sent to orphanages. Follow-up studies found that the orphanage-raised group was more than twice as likely to develop mental illness, compared with those who’d been in foster care. More than 50% of the orphanage group was diagnosed with at least one mental illness.

Only after this research was published in 2007 did Romania change its policies, though there are still some countries that continue to place abandoned infants in these dangerous settings. Because the problem persists, and also because other early child abuse and neglect can replicate such situations, ongoing study of what harms children in early childhood and what helps their recovery is needed.
In the new research, the monkeys remained in the various rearing conditions — with their mothers, with peers or mainly isolated — until they were about six months old. That’s the human equivalent of age 3 — when the brain is developing at a faster rate than at any other time in postnatal life.
After the 6-month period, the monkeys were placed in a mixed social group, comparable to the normal conditions for their species. They were studied when they were about 1 year old.
The results differed by gender, an effect also seen in humans suffering from child maltreatment. Male monkeys reared in isolation were nearly twice as likely to come down with physical illnesses as those reared by their mothers or with peers. They were also more than five times as likely to show stereotyped behavior, the repetitive motions similar to the rocking or head-banging seen in some cases of autism and in orphanage-reared infants. The peer-reared males were about three times more likely to engage in stereotyped behavior, compared with those raised by their mothers.
In females, surprisingly, the peer-reared group did worse than the monkeys raised in isolation. They were far more likely to be wounded and to suffer hair loss than monkeys raised by their mothers or in isolation. The researchers found that the peer-reared females were more aggressive than other monkeys, suggesting that the wounds may have resulted from fights and the hair loss from hair-pulling by others.
While the males had high levels of a stress hormone known as cortisol and low levels of the metabolite of the mood-related neurotransmitter serotonin, this difference was not seen in females. Lead author Gabriella Conti of the University of Chicago suggests that this may be because in the womb, female fetuses are also more resilient than males.
High levels of stress hormones can increase risk for both mental and physical illnesses, including depression, which also can involve low levels of serotonin.
The authors conclude: “[T]he lack of a secure attachment relationship in the early years has detrimental consequences for both physical and mental health later in life, with long-lasting effects that vary by sex. The persistence of these effects after the end of treatment emphasizes the need to intervene early in life to prevent long-term damage.”
Another of the paper’s authors, the Nobel-prize-winning economist James Heckman, has long argued that investing in early childhood education provides a greater return for society than virtually any other type of spending, not only because of increased educational success and productivity, but also because of reduced crime, addiction, distress and disorder. This study, he says, “shows that early life conditions critically affect adult health. Maternal attachment plays a fundamental role  in shaping who we are; remove it and  the harm is great.”
Indeed, research on early interventions for at-risk families, such as the Nurse Family Partnership and the Perry Preschool Project — which, respectively, provides care for low-income mothers and babies, and offers high-quality preschool education for poor African American children — has shown significant reductions in crime and teen pregnancy, along with gains in education and employment when the children involved in the programs grow up.
It may seem obvious that an isolated, parentless toddler — with or without social contact with peers — will suffer emotionally from lack of parental love. What’s not obvious is that without devoted, repeated acts of love, a child’s brain doesn’t make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development and numerous other imbalances are also created.
While we must try to spare all children, and even other primates, from being subjected to these dysfunctional early life environments, we still need to study how to best overcome them. Fortunately, children overcome troubled childhoods all the time: many children who are adopted out of harmful settings do manage to adjust and ultimately thrive. The earlier they are reached, the better they do. Comparing them with those who do not do as well — and in nonhuman primates, focusing on the resilient animals — could provide important insight into how to help.
The research was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.


Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/05/24/the-measure-of-a-mothers-love-how-early-deprivation-derails-child-development/?iid=hl-article-mostpop1#ixzz1vpk5ZYA4

 Toni L.Vossen 2012

Please Help ....

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Save US Jesus

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Truth That Hurts...... 


When survivors of childhood abuse and other victimizations 
seek assistance from victim service providers and community 
institutions, they often have a complex array of needs.  Some 
need mental health and substance abuse treatment; others 
require help with complicated legal matters.  Still others want 
employment or vocational assistance or advocacy for disability 
benefits.  Responding comprehensively to this range of needs 
challenges service providers to think in new ways
 about staff training and supervision, community 
collaborations, and cross-systems service designs. 
 Without this more complex and innovative thinking, 
victims may not receive the help that they need.

  
Every day, every night, victim advocates talk with
survivors of sexual violence who have 
experienced more than one type of violent 
victimization and whose needs are complex.  
Many sexual assault service providers reported that
 more than half of their clients were 
incest survivors, and clients with childhood abuse and 
multiple victimizations faced 
difficult issues which made providing
 adequate assistance to them more challenging.

Because they seem to need more or different
services 
than sexual assault survivors having a single victimization, 
these conversations raise difficult questions for advocates:   
 How will I need to respond differently to these survivors? 
· Does my agency offer what these survivors 
are asking for and what they need?  
What is the role of my agency in serving these survivors? 
Where else can these survivors turn for assistance? 
What can I do when there is no help available?  
· What is my role regarding assisting 
and advocating for these individuals?
  What is beyond my capacity?  
How will I cope with the experience
 of working with these 
survivors and the exposure to  
this type of victimization? 



 c/o Toni L.Vossen 2010

Does a Better Memory Equal Greater PTSD Risk?

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Truth That Hurts......

Strong recall may be genetically associated with heightened flashbacks of trauma and pain, according to new research.

Getty Images


A good memory is typically seen as a powerful advantage, an aid to intelligence and socializing.  But when experience is traumatic, this asset may become a serious liability, according to new research on survivors of the Rwandan genocide.
Researchers at the University of Basel in Switzerland studied a gene for a protein called PKCA, which is known to be involved in the encoding of emotional memories.  In healthy Swiss adults, a variant called rs4790904 was found to be associated with visual memory.
There are three versions of rs4790904:  AA, AG and GG.  In one experiment including over 700 healthy adults from Switzerland, people with the AA variant had better recall of happy or otherwise emotionally positive and neutral images.  A brain imaging experiment including nearly 400 Swiss adults also linked the AA version with improved memory for pictures with either a positive or negative emotional tone.
Researchers then studied the same gene in 347 adult Rwandan refugees who were living at the Nakivale refugee camp in Uganda.  All of them had been exposed to the trauma of the 1994 Rwandan genocide, which had forced them to flee their homes.  Around 800,000 people were slaughtered in 100 days during the genocide, when Hutu militias and gangs attacked the minority Tutsi population and those sympathetic to them.
Thirty-nine percent of the refugees had current symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), an anxiety disorder marked by a sense of repeatedly re-experiencing the emotional and physical sensations linked to the trauma, often triggered by sensory reminders of the event, like sudden loud noises.  People with PTSD typically try to avoid these cues, which can result in isolation and increased distress.
Rwandan refugees with the AA variant were more likely to have PTSD than those with the other versions of the gene — particularly symptoms of re-experiencing the traumatic event, like flashbacks.  Avoidance of trauma reminders was also more common in those with the AA version.
According to the study, which was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the findings point to a “genetic link between the predisposition to build strong memory and the risk for PTSD.”
The research also adds to increasing evidence that many “positive” genes also have a downside — and similarly, many “negative” ones have an upside. For example, one gene linked with a tendency for children to share treats with others is also linked to ADHD and later in life, promiscuity and addiction.
The genetics of autism similarly seem to show a mix of increased vulnerabilities and strengths. In fact, the “intense world” theory of autism suggests that the condition may result from having a brain that takes in too much, resulting in difficulty accommodating the overload of sensations, associations and memories. This could result in a sensitive type of higher intelligence, which can simultaneously lead to withdrawal and repetitive behaviors in an attempt to impose order on the overwhelming input.
When we contemplate enhancing memory, it’s important to consider that this will strengthen our recall of disaster and pain, not just success and pleasure.  There’s no free lunch, it seems.







 Toni L.Vossen 2012

5.23.2012

I'm 5 years older than my sister was when she was killed.......

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Visit King5.com - Seattle

Originally published: Sunday, 01/05/03

Trucker charged in deadly crash 
Associated Press

CHEHALIS, Wash. – A Tacoma truck driver accused of killing four women in an August crash on Interstate 5 falsified his log books and had been driving more hours than legally allowed, authorities said.

Sergey B. Stakhovich, a Russian immigrant and U.S. citizen with seven children, appeared in Lewis County Superior Court on Friday. Bail was set at $50,000.
Stakhovich is accused of four counts of vehicular homicide in the Aug. 24 crash.
The 43-year-old was driving a United Road Service auto transporter truck that crashed through several vehicles as traffic slowed in front of him.
Stakhovich, who suffered only minor injuries, told investigators that before the wreck, he had set the truck's cruise control to 58 mph. At first he didn't notice traffic slowing and, when he did, he might have hit the accelerator instead of the brake, he said.
Stakhovich allegedly falsified his driving time logbook several times between Aug. 6 and Aug. 24, according to court documents. The documents also said Stakhovich had been on duty for 31 hours since his last eight-hour sleep period and had been driving straight for 16 hours.
State and federal regulations require truckers to take eight-hour sleep breaks and to drive no more than 16 hours in a 24-hour period.
State Patrol detectives arrested Stakhovich at his home Thursday morning. The arrest followed a four-month investigation by the Washington State Patrol's major accident investigation team.
Killed in the crash were Yvonne M. Wright, 74, of Winlock; Jeri L. Cozad, 52, of Kelso; and Valerie G. Stuber, 47, and Michelle M. Ross, 27, both of Longview.



5.22.2012

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Truth That Hurts......




Double your impact ...
To save young girls from sex trafficking!



 

Any  gift  given  will  be 
matched
 dollar-for-dollar;
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 So     please   give
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You’ll be touching the life of a young girl whose innocence has been violated, her childhood stolen ... a girl sold, enslaved, abused almost beyond imagination. Deena beautifully represents what God can do in the life of a girl through your compassionate giving. 

Your gift today will help multiply her story wherever Shared Hope is working. 




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 Toni L.Vossen 2010

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

☺ My FrIeNdS ☺

Join Linda Smith and Shared Hope

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in bring awareness to American's & end CHILD ABUSE

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